If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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