i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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