I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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