Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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