i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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