Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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