just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
