every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
