I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
