What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
