I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
