idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You dont lie about slip and slides
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
