She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
