Your tits are I can't wait for
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
