remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
