I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize