you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
