So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
