Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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