nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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