yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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