so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
