That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
