I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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