I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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