Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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