I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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