Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
