There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
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