her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
