I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
