I'm gonna have a badass scar
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
