Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
