...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize