that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
