ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
