Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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