apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
