Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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