the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
