Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Actions speak louder than pants.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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