He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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