So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
