I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
