Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
