Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
