I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
