I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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