You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
