guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
