If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
