I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
