And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
