my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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