Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize