So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
