Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Congratulations! We have a period
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
