I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
