I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
