Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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