just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize