Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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