at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize