I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
