I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We left an ass print on the piano.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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