The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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