so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
