Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
