i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
