Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
