Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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