Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
