May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
