I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
