he wants to bone in the snuggie
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
