if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize