how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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