38 yer olds are good kisserssss
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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