My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You were trust falling into bushes
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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